Outsmart Mother Nature

This is a pretty modern ad, and it's part of the "Outsmart Mother Nature" series which follows Mother Nature delivering "monthly gifts" in red boxes. This ad in particular focusses on menstruation as something that gets in the way of romance and sex. Mother nature is portrayed as an annoying woman in the series, who relentlessly chases people around the streets and gets in their way. I think she is bawdy in a Fran Drescher kind of way - she's both comical, and horrific. See the series setup video below for a better idea of her:



Firstly, this ad shows that we are now able to associate the colour red with menstruation. The gift comes in a red box, not a test tube full of blue liquid. Secondly, this woman's dream boyfriend is able to communicate with Mother Nature in a way that makes him appear as though he isn't uncomfortable talking about menstruation. This is definitely a new development. Involving men in feminine hygiene product advertising has existed in the past, but it's predominantly been focussed on the "uncomfortable, nothing to do with me" side of things. Thirdly, this woman is not concerned with doing aerobics, yoga, or riding a scooter. She is a modern woman, (despite the setting...a stylistic device which despite it's romantic ye olde time feel is actually working to make the ad more modern) who is going out there and getting some action at the helm of a ship(in her dreams, anyway) with a poetic, donut lovin' metrosexual prince charming in a loose white shirt.

The dream takes place on a ship, and on ships, there are treasure chests. Treasure chests full of Tampax. Because Tampax Pearl tampons are just as valuable as actual pearls. They're so good, that Mother Nature is stuck for words, (we know that's a big deal from the setup). With Tampax Pearl, you can kick Mother Nature's ass.

Of course, this is still a Tampon ad. The woman is actually asleep, in an incredibly comfortable looking bed made entirely with white linen, and she's definitely not going to have to do any laundry in the morning.

Um.

I'm not going to write anything about this one actually.

ATTACK OF THE PERIOD

When I started this, I didn't think I'd come across an ad for tampons that so heavily references classic horror movies. We're in black and white, we're slowly zooming in, there's someone relaxing by a pool being waited on by a man in a white suit. It all feels very Twin Peaks/Psycho. Then, SUDDENLY, we are perverts, watching a lady through a lace curtained window in her bedroom. We zoom in on her and discover the inevitable. She is unable to blow dry her hair because her LIFE. HAS. STOPPED. The score is terrifying. If this lady doesn't blow dry her hair, she will DIE. The fan has stopped mid blow, with bits of paper flying frozen in front of it to tell us that it was once full of life, cooling down this poor woman's room. Now, it is shot from a low angle, and looks like it could turn savage, and attack the woman at any minute. Finally, there's the classic black and white shot of the woman blinking in slow motion, her eyes full of despair. This shot could have been taken directly out of any Alfred Hitchcock film. This woman's life has stopped because she has her period.

BUT THEN, Tampax fulls her life with colour and motion. She blow dries her hair with what looks like a hint of a smile! The fan oscillates, and now the pieces of paper tied to it to notify people who don't have any senses that it is working, are coloured! The woman strolls merrily out of the house wearing more colours than an extra from the Wizard of Oz, and joins the weird pastel outfitted Twin Peaks people at the pool. She's got Tampax, and with Tampax, it's like you don't have your period!

Tampax is saying that their product is convenient and easy to use. It's a product that you won't even know you're wearing! That's great! So far we've learnt that tampons are definitely the way to go, because there's just no room to wear a mattress in your underwear. But let's think for a second. A woman who's life stops because she's got her period isn't going to stop because she's not wearing a tampon or a pad, this is an ad from 1997! It's going to stop because she has unbearable cramps and a hideous migraine that is making her hallucinate. I just don't know anymore.

Well then. Everyone's got to start somewhere. Welcome to an ideal family home, where Mother and Daughter visit the pharmacy together, and return home with some new improved Platex Tampons in a brown paper bag. Just like a glue sniffer would have! (Which raises the question, which is more important? Hiding your substance abuse habit, or the fact that you've got your period?).

This ad utilises a common feature of feminine hygiene product ads from this era. These women are able to talk openly about tampons, because they are mother and daughter.

Platex is a brand that has brainwashed this teenage daughter, she'll NEVER switch! There's just no product that could ever be better! But Mother knows best, she's talking about the new improved version! This is a classic case of the competition between brands. They're careful to point out that it would be ludicrous to switch to another brand, that's not even something your Mother would suggest. The daughter seems to find it hard to believe that the new Platex contoured applicator could possibly be even more comfortable than it was before. I wonder if she meant to say "slightly less UNcomfortable". Probably not, since this ad seems to be hammering home the comfort factor. Comfort is a strange thing to focus on, because there really isn't any when it comes to applicators. But I suppose comfort is a nice idea, especially when you're surrounded by it all the time. (Re: cosy mother daughter relationship, nice decorations on the walls, lavender wallpaper and sweater vest).

In the previous Platex ad, we saw ladies dressed in white all dancing in unison. Some of them had grey hair. The Platex girls were young and vibrant, and having the time of their lives. This Platex ad from the 1950s is also targeted towards the young, vibrant woman. This teenage girl is getting a little bit independent. The mother knows that the new plastic wrap on the tampons is exactly what her daughter needs, and the daughter isn't afraid to have a little giggle about the haphazard state of her handbag.

Tampax Vs. Playtex

Finally, an ad that isn't for Tampax. This one starts with an older lady dressed all in white, who is doing robotic star jumps. She doesn't seem to have much freedom when she exercises. And neither do her creepy clones, who appear soon after she does. Perhaps this is because they all have their period, and they're all wearing entirely white outfits. The outfits represent the type of clothing the boring plebs who use "Tampax Pearl" tampons would wear. They all dance to the same beat, with the same moves. Perhaps Platex is pointing out that they are silly conformists who buy the products that everybody else buys and thus will never be truly individual. Platex says the reason they're dancing like square dancers crossed with slow motion cheerleaders, is because their "Tampax Pearl tampons only open width wise!" What a disaster!

But with Platex the world can become a colour saturated 50s dance floor with Busby Berkley as the choreographer and an unskilled but popular effects editor as the VJ! These vibrant young ladies are shot from all angles, and are wearing and twirling full circle skirts to emphasize the point that Platex tampons expand all around. Using Platex tampons is much more fun than using Tampax. It's even evident in the name of the brand! Playtex tampons are about play - which is about youth - which is what everybody wants.

Tampons Vs. Pads!

Excellent! This ad is crowded like Mt Albert Pak'N'Save with things to analyse! First and foremost, FASHION! Every woman is looking for the perfect fit. Whether it's her new blue sequined basketball singlet, a pair of high waisted jeans (notice how the woman in this ad ALSO draws attention to the shape of her behind by checking it in the mirror), or how easily her riding boots slip on before a nice spot of dressage, ALL women are concerned about fashion. No seriously, ALL WOMEN. Even women who aren't white! (Re: "You Bet!"). Tampax tampons (supposedly) give every woman a personalized fit. Kind of like couture. The woman who is admiring herself in the shop window is certainly impressed with hers. Except she can't actually see it, because it's inside her body and has nothing to do with fashion. Maybe they forgot to get footage of people admiring actual tampons, and had to use stock footage from a hat making show. The point is, pads are not in fashion. They are big bulky things (comparable to overstuffed pillows), which have the capability to fold themselves into angles that nobody's genitals could contour to. "Who needs that?" asks a curly haired woman, who finds the concept of sanitary pads hilarious.  "WE DON'T!" 

But women CERTAINLY "need" Tampax. With Tampax tampons, you don't have to worry about doing spontaneous yoga on park benches. You'll be so comfortable, you'll feel like you're reclining in a deck chair on a sunny day. (Unless this is more hat show stock footage. I'm not sure).

We're only up to the second ad analysis, and we've already come across the notorious blue liquid.  The blue liquid represents sterility, hygiene, science, anything but blood really, because heaven forbid we mention THAT.  In this case, it's sort of functioning as a serious aside.  Yes, tampons are modern, fashionable, comfortable and convenient.  Woman seem to enjoy themselves even more than usual while they're wearing them!  But just incase somebody remembers that they're going to have to put this product inside their body, they can rest assured.  Tampax is a company that know what they're doing.  The tampon is placed inside a test tube, which is then filled with the liquid.  The presence of the test tube, (which if you ask me, probably couldn't squeeze a baby through it), is enough for us to know that we're talking about facts here.  This tampon is absorbent, and hygienic.  Science says so.  Animated arrows point out from the test tube, to indicate the tampons ability to expand in three directions.  (They have to show expansion this way, because vaginas aren't made out of glass, that's just TV vaginas).  

I would have liked the next line more if she combined a nice sassy finger click with it, but instead, we hear the dialogue "No pad does that!" from an enthusiastic blonde woman, accompanied by a graphic of the text, with purple backgrounds in CRAZY shapes like ovals and rectangles, and a wiggly line to connect all the words together, so that deaf people can understand how modern and funky fresh they'll be if they use tampons too.  If they don't quite have time to read the whole sentence, they'll at least take notice of the first two words "NO PAD", written in capital letters.  Is this subliminal messaging?  Let's stop while we're ahead, and move onto the next image.  Another pad, this time looking more like a mattress than an overstuffed pillow.  Its wings flap pathetically like an exhausted battery hen, while a modern woman hails a cab on her way home from her non specific media job, and another woman straddles the seat of a scooter without a care in the world, and rides off into the busy inner city traffic.  Completely independently.